ATTENTION DECODED

The Dilemma  If you work hard and make the sacrifices others are either unwilling or unable to make... One day you will find yourself having to make an uncomfortable choice as a contractor. You will eventually reach a crossroads where you have to decide if what you are doing now is the most you will do. The main constraint at this juncture is that you are at the mercy of physics like the rest of us. You can only be physically present in a certain number of places in one day before it becomes very obvious you have maxed out your time. Something big is happening here that many people do not think about. Most people think that if they chose to grow they are putting a lot on the line. Sacrificing family time or temporary income to train people to help you grow but that isn't what will change. If you are at this juncture you have the juggling thing down. The fact you have a decision to make rather than one that way decided by a lack of business proves my point. No, something more is goi...

Aggression and panic will never be a match for subtle confidence.  Panic's weakness is that it is telling . On the polar opposite of the emotional wheel you will find composure.  The silent poise and subtle confidence of the composed person is magnetic. It leaves room for good interpretation because there is nothing overpowering a poised person. The observer is left with no choice but to wonder... "What is this person thinking?" "Why are they so nonreactive?" The mysterious nature of composure can be authoritative and yet paradoxically calming at the same time. When the rest of the world overreacts, the poised individual responds. They do not respond right away but when they do...it is in the right way. This is someone that is good to have around. This is someone that we would not mind following. Being poised is easier if you have a good understanding of what is going on around you and why it is going on. The poised person thinks...

Maybe the answers for how we can all live and work together are not going to be found by deciding who or what group has the right answers. Perhaps a better way to go about any interaction is to soak in as much of another persons perspective as possible prior to asking for anything. After all, very few wars get started because everyone relentlessly wanted to understand each other... If we could only let go of the misconception that attempting to understand each other must mean that someone has to admit they are wrong. To understand does not mean to agree . If anything, it means to give dignity to everyone's opinion. Once all opinions are heard the best answer might just be a co-created one... "I believe what really happens in history is this: the old man is always wrong; and the young people are always wrong about what is wrong with him. The practical form it takes is this: that, while the old man may stand by some stupid custom, the...

Wave After Wave If you have ever seen someone surf a 30 foot wave... You will probably ask yourself the same question I did. "How did you do that?" How does a person get to the point where they are confident enough to try that? It is terrifying to watch. What makes it so terrifying is our human ability to picture ourselves in the same position. Of course when we insert us into the scene we are picturing a person who has likely never surfed a 30 foot wave. When the surfer drags her board out of the ocean I had to ask... Our conversation   Me: that was incredible! When did you get to the point where you one day said ok...I am ready for a 30 footer tomorrow? Surfer: I never had to ask myself that, it just naturally happened. Me: So... one day you casually just woke up, grabbed the board and said today is the day? Surfer: Not really... even the day I did it I did not make a conscious decision to try it... I just did it. Me: I don't think I could ever just do some...

Who goes first? In a negotiation or in a conflict resolution situation... How do you decide who starts the conversation. Who goes first? Who will be bold enough to disclose information first? Who will it be? It will be... The one who understands how to build trust. The one who is comfortable with defining trust. The one who is trusted by other people currently and honors that trust. The one who is not trusted, but can be trusted. The one who doesn't fear the risk giving out information about their cause. The one who doesn't hold hostage their ability to be personal with strangers. The one who thinks about all strangers as humans. The one who has had their trust in another broken and knew it was right to trust again. The one who doesn't scratch every itch because they know it will just lead to more itching. The one who is comfortable with being uncomfortable. They ALWAYS volunteer to go first. What are you waiting for? #StrikeAmatch

In 2008 I would not have guessed I would quote Taylor Swift for the purpose of talking about worldly wisdom.     Like most Americans, I spent most of 2008 feeling forced to hear her song "Love Story" any time I was anywhere with speakers.    Flash forward 7 years, and I am a new fan of Taylor Swift... the person .   She said something in an interview that got my attention. She said…  "It is a human instinct to try and defend yourself when people have a certain impression of you... but that's not as important as what you want to accomplish."  Such a simple statement and yet something we all spend far too much time getting backwards. We want people to know so quickly that we are the kind of person to work with, listen to, and want to be around.   We want people to know this about us as clearly as we know this about ourselves. When we think about the impressions we want to make we have far too mu...

My Sweet Niece Ellie. My own heart. It's a shame you can't remember your earliest interactions with the people who loved you first . If you could, you would remember a time in your life when you could do no wrong and everything you did was wonderful to someone. Although you can't remember all the details from then... You still can use the experience to gain perspective. Let's do something... Let's pretend. Pretend like you can remember what it was like to be three years old. Your imagination is just getting fired up at that age. Making story time, one of your favorite things. For a lot of reasons... But mostly because you are the center of someone's universe at that age (hopefully). The people who read to you as a child may not have known it then but they gave you an incredible power. With their verbal guidance, you are able to live inside the stories you were being told. When you were 3 years old you were a blank slate of possible outcomes....