ATTENTION DECODED

Who goes first? In a negotiation or in a conflict resolution situation... How do you decide who starts the conversation. Who goes first? Who will be bold enough to disclose information first? Who will it be? It will be... The one who understands how to build trust. The one who is comfortable with defining trust. The one who is trusted by other people currently and honors that trust. The one who is not trusted, but can be trusted. The one who doesn't fear the risk giving out information about their cause. The one who doesn't hold hostage their ability to be personal with strangers. The one who thinks about all strangers as humans. The one who has had their trust in another broken and knew it was right to trust again. The one who doesn't scratch every itch because they know it will just lead to more itching. The one who is comfortable with being uncomfortable. They ALWAYS volunteer to go first. What are you waiting for? #StrikeAmatch

In 2008 I would not have guessed I would quote Taylor Swift for the purpose of talking about worldly wisdom.     Like most Americans, I spent most of 2008 feeling forced to hear her song "Love Story" any time I was anywhere with speakers.    Flash forward 7 years, and I am a new fan of Taylor Swift... the person .   She said something in an interview that got my attention. She said…  "It is a human instinct to try and defend yourself when people have a certain impression of you... but that's not as important as what you want to accomplish."  Such a simple statement and yet something we all spend far too much time getting backwards. We want people to know so quickly that we are the kind of person to work with, listen to, and want to be around.   We want people to know this about us as clearly as we know this about ourselves. When we think about the impressions we want to make we have far too mu...

My Sweet Niece Ellie. My own heart. It's a shame you can't remember your earliest interactions with the people who loved you first . If you could, you would remember a time in your life when you could do no wrong and everything you did was wonderful to someone. Although you can't remember all the details from then... You still can use the experience to gain perspective. Let's do something... Let's pretend. Pretend like you can remember what it was like to be three years old. Your imagination is just getting fired up at that age. Making story time, one of your favorite things. For a lot of reasons... But mostly because you are the center of someone's universe at that age (hopefully). The people who read to you as a child may not have known it then but they gave you an incredible power. With their verbal guidance, you are able to live inside the stories you were being told. When you were 3 years old you were a blank slate of possible outcomes....

Connection causes change... You will change every person you interact with. The question is: How will they change and to what degree will they change? Alexander Graham Bell turned distant pen palls into no longer isolated friends with the invention of the telephone. Thomas Edison turned candle people into lamp people. So, do not mistake your clients as just clients. Nor your acquaintances as only acquaintances. These individuals will become the impact you make on them. An acquaintance becomes someone different when you connect with them. The question again… How do they change from the connection? Your success is dependent on the nature of that change. Weather you disappoint someone or you surprise them with satisfaction… The impressions you make on people will set the tone of their future interactions. And the stories they tell about you. These people can become you...

There are a few possible outcomes when you attempt to “take charge” or ask that something be done in a situation. Outcome Scenarios: #1. The other people in the situation decide yes they will happily oblige and do what you have ask them to do because they trust you and are confident that what you have ask them to do, is in their best interest. #2.   The people reluctantly decide to do what you have asked of them because they feel they have no better option, and that your request is the lesser of two evils. #3. The people refuse your attempt at authority and vote you out of the situation and refuse to complete the task you have assigned them with. In the first scenario, authority is welcomed and that is the goal anytime your mission is to fulfill your agenda. To achieve #1 with success:   Charismatic authority in what you say will be received as just that… Something you are saying rather than...

Powerful people who are loved never find it necessary to use force to get where they want to go. They understand that: Power is not oppressing someone who is physically weaker than you... That is just physics. It is not screaming louder than another person... That is just acoustics. It is not the ability to control another persons actions with fear... That is just cowardice. Admirable power is not anything that forces a result. It is the opposite. It is maintaining composure despite feeling a natural animal instinct to react when taunted into a corner. True power is realized in the moments you know you could break a person with your words...and deciding to never... ever do it. Even if the person deserves it. True power is getting behind a person on a platform above the ground, telling them it's safe to fall, and they do...without a moments pause... Because they have no doubt you will catch them. True power is providing more calm in the world. More sa...

Trust and Attention Both are genuine when earned. Both you can waste a lot of money attempting to buy... Trust is what builds quality attention. Attention on the other hand will not build trust. Just because you find yourself in the right place at the right time to get exposure and attention doesn't mean people will trust you. Meaning, spotlight in and of itself is not enough to gain the trust of others. You can spend thousands of dollars a year advertising that you are trustworthy... But until people have a real experience with you that actually proves you are trustworthy... The "trust" virtue you advertise is just  nonsensical noise. Quality attention starts with a smaller audience. An audience you probably won't need to pay to watch you. An audience that ultimately decides they need you because they are all to familiar with the poor performance of whoever your competition claims to be. Trust usually develops into a  need. And needs develop out of this f...

  *photo by J.O "Teamwork makes the dream work!" If your reaction to this mantra is: "Oh great...that's helpful....Considering MY team consists of mostly ME" You are my target audience for this post. Even if you have a team... If you are ultimately the decision maker, you may still find yourself feeling like the fate of your business rests solely on your shoulders. And it's true... the final decisions you make are the ones that determine end results. So the trick is making the decision making process a methodical one. Even perhaps an uncomfortable and frustrating one... Let's tell the truth about making the BEST decision: The process is brutal! Some of the best products that hit the market start at a much different place than what they look like in the end. How does a perfect solution or product get to that point? The answer: A strict adherence to consulting multiple perspectives. The best solutions are usually the result of a melding of ideas that...

(self-talk is important.  On your road to being great at communication don't forget to acknowledge yourself too!) Dear Self, You don't have to worry about someone "taking our place". As long as we keep welcoming challenges and looking for problems to solve we almost can't go wrong. There are not many other people willing to do that. You are a hero for always trying to improve yourself.  Don't compare us to other people. Compare us to our-self and how much we learned and grew since last year. In fact take it easy on us from time to time! No one is perfect. We can't control everything ALL the time. Let's stick to us being the change we want to see in our field and in our world. We can control that. I know our best is good enough. I think the trick is sticking to what we are best at and surrounding ourselves with people who can help us with the rest. Stop talking about how "we are not getting any younger" Who is ?! I know, I know......

The rules of competition fade when the competition gets personal . Competition yields the best results when people compete to deliver a fair deal to the consumer. A win-win. This is true because ultimately the consumer makes the rules so long as they have options when choosing products and services. And now more than ever... they do. The goal should always be to create a win-win situation for you and your consumer. Showing the customer a clear win-win scenario by being your partner will give you the best odds for being "picked". With that in mind, you must constantly gauge what is going on in a situation to determine what tactics should be implemented to ensure everyone involved wins. You should always ask yourself: "what tactics should I use in this situation to be picked?" "What are the facts concerning resources and demand for those resources.?" The fewer the resources, the more cooperation you want to display. The more abundant the resources, th...